I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize