Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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