youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
