dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
