I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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