OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
