No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
