Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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