Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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