every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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