i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we're making bets on your personal life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
