last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
