butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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