awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
