i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your shirt... Was in my pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize