I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
