after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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