Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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