I'm drive I can fine osifer
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
