i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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