gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
