jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
