tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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