Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
