if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
