I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
