you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
