why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
