If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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