Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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