can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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