i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She bit a glass in half.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
