Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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