It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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