I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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