hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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