I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
barbara walters just said penis...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want a musical about memes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
