No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
