Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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