True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize