Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
