So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
