I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i now understand why vodka
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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