It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
