oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh god the rape fog is back!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
