She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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