cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
