Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
