Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
