I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
