Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
