No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
