I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
