is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
