You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
