you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
