i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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