I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I want her autograph on my taint
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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