glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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