You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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