At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
