We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So here I am, sexting at work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
