wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
