The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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