I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
