I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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