Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
