her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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